I have a new coat. I don't mean that I have suddenly developed an entirely new covering of fur, or gone blonde, or decided to turn Dalmatian. I mean that my owner - as she often does at this time of year - has convinced herself that I need a human-style body cover and, after a lot of faffing around in the pet shop, purchased something that looks to me rather like the black bins they tip all the tastiest leftovers into to stop me consuming them.

I must admit that it is quite fun driving my humans crazy while they try to get me into this kit (they put one of my legs in, I take another one out - and so on) but in the end I submit and then spend an hour running around the park with a strange rustling sound accompanying my every step.

Not only does it look and feel ridiculous, it is also darn sweaty. According to my human, it will stop me getting wet and smelling of damp dog, as if I care. Anyway, the new garment will not last long. I will savage it as soon as I get a chance - or failing that, just give it a good roll in some fox droppings. That will teach them.